church, for my friend

There are not enough words to fill the night 
and it’s a relief when you arrive at a natural ending
having expected it, but not minded
and so it gets dark and naturally, you are quieter
and the big separation begins.
I called my friend who loves church, wondering after her
it was remarkable to us both
she didn’t expect to be pursued and I could barely face rejection
but I saw in her a familiar veneer of calm 
how it can be a stubborn desperation
rummaging for the words of indignity
I want you I need you I’m scared and lonely and maybe you can understand me
and finding nothing.
I remember her voice cracking and how on both ends love formed
and how I had imagined this moment thousands of times
but happening in the other direction
and with someone I made up
and how for once the truth was divine