No

Like everyone, I have irrational thoughts. I hold most of them in. But in therapy I finally say them under the premise of “I know this is wrong but…” And my therapist/analyst confirms, yes, that’s wrong. And you might think a therapist is not supposed to do that. That a good one is not going around saying to their patients, hey, you’ve got it all wrong. Your perceptions are fucked up. Not that this is what my therapist says to me. He just sort of slumps in his chair and says “no…” And I’m not offended. And I actually don’t know what the protocol is. Or if there is a protocol around contradiction in therapy. But it is a relief to be released from the insistence of your own thought process. To have someone you trust occasionally tell you to stop rooting around there and try somewhere else.

And in general, it is good to be told no. To be told “I don’t think so,” “not right now,” or even “absolutely not.” It is also good to encounter a no and respond gently to yourself and to the other. To think, “ok, sure.” And then to say to the other, “that’s ok with me.” And then to continue living. To go on as if there is still mystery. Sometimes the no will follow you there, to the mystery, because now it knows it is safe to be. The no knows that whatever you two discover there, in the unknown place, is up for discussion. That what they encounter might transform them, but won’t annihilate them.

This is the premise of good therapy, I think. And also, of love. To be routed off your old path. To finally go to the unknown place and find yourself there.