State your goals
And write them here
She could not be herself at work. There was always a formality to her every gesture, and her voice sounded vaguely English, though not as if she were trying to fake Englishness. Maybe this was called professionalism.
She did not know. Everyone else at work was having no trouble expressing familiarity in messages, on videos, somewhat unsteadily but otherwise with commitment in person. Except there was one deeply uncomfortable young man, who perhaps was, more than any of the familiar people at work, himself. She looked on at him with a formal kind of admiration, that maybe was just called pity. She did not know.
She walked carefully to the kitchen. She had to cross what felt like an expanse of people hard at work while she wondered why she was there. Oh! Money. That was it. You could not lead a comfortable life without a reliable heap of cash, benefits, perks. She looked disappointedly at her hands. These were hands that belonged in the dirt! she thought, wildly. She was finally at the kitchen. It had taken so long. She looked back up from her hands right at somebody and wondered if too much time had passed to just look away.
Thank god, it was the uncomfortable young man. They had had the same thought, but out of formal kindness, they smiled at each other and said hello. She then hurried to fulfill a kind of feminine duty that was the only feminine duty she understood: She asked him about himself, with interest. He shared some details about his family, in some midwestern city that she had had almost zero thoughts about but reckoned she ought to read something about at some point, when she could. Otherwise he remained guarded. She saw, however, that he was a bit tickled by her interest. She immediately felt superior, then uncomfortable.
Oh, ok, then, she would pour the milk in her midday cereal and then just go back to her desk, she guessed. What did this man want from her?! She had exhausted her social ability and was becoming scared. When she turned around and away from the kitchen, the thickness of expectation dispelled from the air. She did not know these people, she had no idea what they thought about, the office lights were so bright during the day, it was a few degrees too cold, the only real kindness she felt was from openly dysfunctional people. She remembered, again, why she was here.