There are not enough words to fill the night and it’s a relief when you arrive at a natural ending having expected it, but not minded and so it gets dark and naturally, you are quieter and the big separation begins. I called my friend who loves church, wondering after her it was remarkable to us both she didn’t expect to be pursued and I could barely face rejection but I saw in her a familiar veneer of calm how it can be a stubborn desperation rummaging for the words of indignity I want you I need you I’m scared and lonely and maybe you can understand me and finding nothing. I remember her voice cracking and how on both ends love formed and how I had imagined this moment thousands of times but happening in the other direction and with someone I made up and how for once the truth was divine